Pet Moms

Chances are you know a Varsity Pet Mom. One of my office-mates could give anyone a run for Captain of the Varsity Pet Mom Team. She has a Beta fish named Moe who lives in a tank on her desk. He is beautifully blue and was a prize she won at a raffle near the cabin her family frequents. About a year ago, she noticed Moe listing as he swam.  I've had fish at various points in my life. When I saw a fish swimming strangely, I assumed end of days was near. As a fish owner, I did all the normal things. I provided proper food. I cleaned the tank or bowl. That is where my efforts to maintain my fish health stopped.

Not Holly.  She Googled Moe's symptom and learned that he was constipated. Yes, apparently that happens to fish, too. She could feed him extra fiber and he would recover, Google the Vet explained. Consequently, every Thursday, Holly takes one frozen pea from a bag she keeps in the work freezer. She thaws it with hot water and cuts the tiniest slivers of pea with a razor blade, and feeds the slivers to Moe. This weekly health prescription has kept Moe swimming in balance for over a year.

While Holly was on vacation, I prepared to feed Moe his standard fish food, and found he was behind the filter.  If you've had pet fish, you might have reacted as I did. I was sure he was dead and how would I explain that to Holly? With the help of two other co-workers, we roused Moe and I started breathing again. Holly told me that I didn't need to feed him the pea while she was out.  Since my scare, I'm thinking I'll be preparing Moe's pea meal promptly.

I have cooked rice and hamburger for a sick dog. I helped my parents feed a special mixture to calves to heal their digestive tracks. I bottle fed piglets to help them survive. I never thought about what to do for a pet fish.

Holly is the best pet mom! While Holly is on vacation, Lucy visits us. She has been visiting us since she was a puppy and she is 12 now. Per Holly's instructions, I've been feeding her Boston Terrier, Lucy, daily vitamins and glucosamine, because she is an older dog. Lucy definitely lives a more posh life with Holly and her family. As a JV mom, you can guess correctly about my status as a pet mom. I will take a dog to emergency pet care. I will sit and worry while holding a dog receiving fluids through an IV line. I will carry an elderly dog up and down stairs to lengthen her life. I never considered that I could do anything beyond feed and clean the tank, to enhance or lengthen the life of a fish.

If you are a Varsity Pet Mom, I salute you. I've often said that when I die, I want to be reincarnated as one of Holly's pets. My pets receive their meals, their walks and their cuddles. I love on them, pick up after them, and grieve when they pass. I'm sure my lack of awareness about symptoms or possible dietary changes have caused our fish to leave us sooner than they might if they belonged to a Varsity Pet Mom, like Holly.

Junior Varsity Mom -- What do I Mean?

For a few years now, I've openly discussed my status as a Junior Varsity Mom with my friends and family.  What do I mean?

Maybe I can best explain what a JV Mom is by having you envision moms who are Varsity.

Varsity Moms have extra snacks and whole sets of extra clothes in their cars for the just-in-case moments. They always know what time the concert starts and where the soccer practice is. They are the moms who use planners and phone calendars. They volunteer at school, work their job, run a business on the side and still manage to have the best dressed, most involved kids at school. Some mothers move through the mom ranks and bloom into this Varsity role as their children grow.

I've had no such development.
I rock the Junior Varsity.
I can list event after event for which I am under or unprepared, despite my efforts to the contrary.

My JV status is cemented by the fact that at 12:38 pm today, I received a call.  The number indicated that it was a school call.  Twice this week, I'd received such calls from my daughter.  She has been recovering from some crummy virus and by afternoons, she is too tuckered to be in class.  When I saw that number today, February 12, I thought, "Oh no, she doesn't feel good again."

On the other end of the phone was my son.  In a sweet, patient voice, he said, "Mom, you need to come get us.  We had a half-day today."  He and his sister had waited in the pick-up zone for 20 minutes.  When they were the last, lonely, little people (they are 10 and 8), they went inside to call me.

A Junior Varsity Mom could certainly forget a half-day.
The thing is--I hadn't forgotten it.
I didn't even know it was a half-day.

Today started a little rough, with a 7:45 am work request that needed immediate attention and typical kid bickering while making breakfast. We all rallied and I felt good about getting the neighbor boys to one school, then my kids to another school, and we even remembered the Valentine's party cookies.  At moments like that I feel like I've got the Mom thing figured out, like I've done the thing that everyone seems to manage effortlessly.

When my son called, my first response was to call my husband.  We work together and he wasn't at the office, so I hoped he was on the north end of town and could stop at school and pick up the children. No luck. He was farther away than I was. As a kid, I grew up in a small town with lots of aunts and uncles and grand parents who could be called to come to the rescue.  My husband and I live in a city and do not have any family near us.  We have built a village, but we don't count on them for crisis moments.  If we know we need help, we plan for it and ask friends.  On a half-day, I usually work a swap with a friend. But I didn't make plans for the half-day because I didn't even review the school calendar for February 2016. Lesson learned.

A Varsity Mom knows to coordinate the school calendar with her work/personal calendar.  She probably syncs it with Google Docs.  Luckily, I had a morning text from the Big Sister in our family. She was adjusting the afternoon/evening plans.  The Sweetheart is watching her little brother and sister so her father and I can have a date night.  She decided that since she was going to work remotely from our house in the afternoon, she might as well watch the kids there, rather than at her apartment.  Every kid should have a 20-year-old big sister.  She really is the best! She was my next call.  Maybe she was on the way to the house.  Whew, she was, and, "Sure," she could get the kids and take them home.  She told me not to rush.  That she would get them and I could wrap up some work if I needed to do that.  I did need to do that.  Crisis averted and day saved by Big Sister!

Is the Junior Varsity Mom essence becoming clear?  Regardless of my best efforts, I don't possess the multi-tasking talents of the Varsity Moms. I might bring my child to the Girl Scout meeting at your house that starts an hour later at the church. I might sign-up to chaperone a Zoo overnight and then find I can't because my husband is out of town. I might schedule a play date for a child only to cancel because our family is double-booked as a result.

To navigate my Junior Varsity Mom talent I always find myself using the best advice I was ever given.  Remember to ask for help.  A JV Mom might not have it all together, but she will be the first person to come to your aid if you find yourself in a jam.  A JV Mom will offer to help because she has probably been in your shoes.  Some JV Moms will make Varsity.  Some watch and learn from the Varsity mentors they meet.  I'm pretty sure B-Team is my place for the duration.  I hope my limitations and imperfections teach my kids to ask for help and to be helpful.  I hope my acceptance of my strengths and my weaknesses helps my kids accept themselves similarly.

Don't get me wrong.  When I goof up, I shake my head. I think, "Other moms keep these things straight. Other moms know when the kids need rain boots. Other moms don't get text reminders from the Class Mom about camp deadlines." I think, "Why didn't I add school dates to the dry-erase calendar in the Kitchen? Clearly it needs to include more than Girl Scout and STEM Club meetings.

And then I think, "I'm the Mom these little people have, and I'm doing what I can to keep our life rolling in a positive direction." I didn't purposefully neglect my children. I just went to work thinking I would pick them up at 3:50 like always.

Today, because they had each other to lean on while they waited, I think they learned to appreciate one another more. Today, I panicked when my son called, and then I remembered that I've made so many mistakes and this one will not the the last. I remembered that I have people I can call if I need help. When I got home, I thanked the Big Sister for being available and helpful. I apologized to the little kids and we talked about how they did the exact right things by waiting and calling. They weren't upset or frightened. Of course I'm looking for the silver-lining.  Of course I want to feel like all is well.

But you know what?  We are all safe and sound. All is well. If you're a Junior Varsity Mom, breathe easy.  All is probably well in your world, too.

Until next time.  Heather, Junior Varsity Mom