Everybody Cannot Do Everything

As sure as I know my given name, I know everybody cannot do everything. Even when invitations are extended early, even when it seems like options exist, I know the limits of what is possible, or rather, what is doable. My children have heard the statement: everybody cannot do everything so many times they must believe it is my mantra.

I don't claim to be good at mountains of things, but I am a good reader.  I love to read, actually, and choose to spend my free-time in books. Consequently, I can read the crap out of any curriculum guide, link or text. Because our youngest child is now receiving instruction in curriculum our middle child has completed, I'm going to play the crap shoot and hope that we know what we need to know about the school work that is coming our way this year. You see, like many families, time is precious. I'd rather spend time with my people than at meetings about my people.

Perhaps the beginning of the school year requires more.

Recently, I asked my daughter's soccer coach how his family does dinner.  He and his wife have four children who are all on soccer teams and participate in music. He kind of chuckled, as if the idea of dinner was a nice fairy tale.

Last week I missed the Volunteer ID photo and paperwork event, and the PTA meeting. I believe my family will miss the class pot-luck and I just might miss curriculum night, too.

Fast-froward a couple of weeks, because reasons (as my son would say).

Today in the school pickup line, while catching up with two other moms, another mom drove by and expressed her child's desire for a play-date with the daughters of the women with whom I was speaking. And then said mom realized she had invited their girls and not mine, who was suddenly welcome, too (I believe my girlie was welcome, and honestly believe everyone is not to be included every minute). Not a big deal--I swear I made her feel relieved when I said and meant, "Everybody cannot do everything."

When the text about an evening meet-up came through, as it does every couple of weeks with two girlfriends, the same rule applied. It was curriculum night at my children's' school and at the school where one of my friend's children attend. The friend who started the notion of late appetizers and a glass of wine realized later that her family needs would not permit the meet-up. Again, I shared, everybody cannot do everything. I share this and I also share that I am not a flexible person. My plans never turn on a dime. I always need an emotional adjustment period. I may be impaired in that arena.

I couldn't make curriculum night or the meet-up as my husband is on a trip to care for his aging parents. Tonight's soccer practice shuttle did not permit a review of the expectations for my child in her new classroom. We will review for the fifth year the school behavior expectations which is her homework. I hope her teachers understand that everybody cannot do everything.

Tomorrow I need to write the school to inform teachers and administrators that my children will likely miss three consecutive days, thus needing pre-excuse, non-excuse. We have a family wedding and we didn't intend to take the children. My parents intended to visit and spend the long weekend with the kids. However, my grandmother is in the middle of tests that may or may not lead to surgery. My parents will not be traveling to help us as they are needed where they are. We do not live near family and four days of sleep-overs is more than We're willing to ask any of our amazing friends. The children will be traveling with us and not attending school because everybody cannot do everything.

Last week, a friend with a child the same age as our middle kid, and who has three children at different stages as we do, text me in frustration. She and her husband are all-in supporting the passions of their people. They drive in traffic and wait through lessons. They attend performances. They send one a child on an amazing trip with another family only to miss her when they take the other children on an adventure.

This friend shared her frustration with all the scheduled "requirements" like class pot-lucks that somehow usurp family dinners. Though our hamlet isn't a small town, our school is. By the end of summer class gatherings and prior to school work-parties, we honestly do not need a class pot-luck to make introductions and friends. I've already missed the first PTA meeting and the official volunteer sign-up--though I've submitted my paperwork for background checks and signed up for two volunteer sessions. Sometimes we need to have family dinners that includes each member of our families. That night my friend's husband took one child to the pot-luck, and she took the balance of the family to the beach for a picnic dinner because everybody cannot do everything.

As a JV mom, I somehow manage to send my kids to school in clean clothes with lunch, most of the time. We have called Daddy from the drop-off line for a last minute review of some math concept, or for a forgotten instrument drop. I'm on the extra details of robotics club paperwork, choir enrichment, and new violin rosin/bow seasoning? Tempering? I don't know what the process is called because I was a band kid--my tiny school didn't have an orchestra because--yup--everybody cannot do everything.

Let me wax sentimental about my formative years. When I had music lessons after school, I walked to them and then walked to my great grandmother's apartment where she would fill me with Tang or Little Debbie's until my parents picked me up. When I grew and had athletic practice, it was after school. My parents would finish work and I would spy my father's car outside. We would then proceed home where I set the table and we had dinner. If my brother had a game on Friday night, we might grab a bite to eat in town, but most of my memories have us eating dinner together.

This fall, and keep in mind, our little kids are in elementary school, one has sports practice Monday/Wednesday from 6-7, while the other has practice Tuesday/Thursday from 7ish-9ish (his coach has some volunteer conditioning scheduled, thus the -ish). Our big girl is working and starting her college classes again so who knows when we'll have the whole crew together for dinner? So far we have split dinners or eaten so early sometimes the growing boy thinks we haven't fed him at all. That coaches volunteer is amazing! That practices are post-work hours is obviously understandable. That our culture seems to value organized activity over family time rubs on me hard.

All of these digressions about expectations and scheduling are truly to point out that I know childhood is short. Families want some time to know one another before the big kids move out and don't get to learn what the littlest siblings hope or fear. I love that our middle kid didn't mention cross-country to us because even he feels like soccer and robotics are enough when he figures in his a homework and his own desire to build or 3-D print things in unstructured time.

Bless my girlfriend who, when learning my husband was gone for couple of days, delivered treats for my kids and laughter to my home after she attended curriculum night. She is constantly without her husband because he is a fireman who works shifts that keep him at the firehouse. I need to remember that if she he has extra goodness for my kids when Daddy is gone, that I can supply the same for her people who have daddy gone regularly. She is a Varsity Mom, by the way, and I am in awe of her ability to run a business, serve her family and truly see and accept the people she loves. While wearing her Varsity M, she would agree that everybody cannot do everything.

We can do what we are able for the people who matter. When they need us, we show up in the ways we can--in person with snacks for kids, or over the phone or text when our families need us, but so does a grieving friend. We can grab a kid, or tend to a yard for a friend who is buried in work, but is worried about said yard. We can email a book a friend will love, or deliver a lasagna because a friend needs to rest. Everybody cannot do everything--to be certain, but we can do right things for our people and helpful things for our tribe. If that means I miss a curriculum night or pot-luck or my kids have three unexcused absences, so be it.

Maybe "everybody cannot do everything," is my mantra. If you find it helpful, it can be your mantra, too.